Entries Tagged 'Examples' ↓

Shea Homes owns Highlands Ranch, which is a massive community in the county where I live. Shea also builds most of the new homes in Highlands Ranch.

Apparently, Shea is trying to drum up some home buyers. So they sent me an email with a headline that says:

“Shea Homes Value for an UnLimited Time Only”

Then the body copy says:

Shea Homes Value Can Be Yours Today. As one of the nation’s most respected builders, Shea Homes’ character is built on honesty, integrity, and quality. While many are playing pricing and incentive games, we deliver competitive prices, unbeatable value, and exceptional designs. Hurry, for an UnLimited Time, Shea Homes Value Can Be Yours Today.

Who is the genius who came up with this?

First of all, there is no offer. Nothing specific is being sold at all.

Secondly, the offer (which we’ve already established doesn’t even exist) is for an unlimited time. There is no urgency whatsoever.

So for as long as you want, you can take advantage of an offer that doesn’t exist.

Brilliant.

This is a clear example of how NOT to advertise.

Popularity: 54% [?]

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Seen on a door hanger advertising a lawn care company:

“We’re #1 for a reason”

Unfortunately, not one reason was given.

Popularity: 32% [?]

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One of the biggest benefits of being a copywriter is I get to learn while I earn. I learn something new from every single client I work with. This was especially true when I recently wrote a sales letter for Ed Oakley.

Ed is the co-author of two books: Enlightened Leadership and Leadership Made Simple. As part of my research, I began reading the latter of the two. Then, on page 27, I came across a “gold nugget” of insight.

Nothing redirects people’s thinking better than a well-phrased question.

This really struck a chord with me because of a few “coincidences” that all happened around the same time.

For one, I started using questions as post titles on my blog. Based on Alex King’s Popularity Contest plug-in, I’m able to see which posts are most popular. Currently, on this blog, my post titled “Eight Months to Write a Letter?” has been the most popular.

On another blog, the most popular post was a blog carnival I hosted (the people who participated in the carnival linked back to the post, which produced a lot of out-of-the-ordinary traffic).

But the second and third most popular posts both use questions as post titles. The second most popular post is “Are Cars Worth It?” and the third most popular post is “Should You Tithe When You’re Broke?”

And yet it seems using questions as blog post titles isn’t the only place they’ve been proven effective. They’ve also worked extremely well in direct response sales letters.

Examples from sales letters.

• One of the greatest copywriters of all time, Bill Jayme, is most famous for this headline that was used to promote Psychology Today magazine: “Do You Close the Bathroom Door Even When You’re the Only One Home?”

• And Gary Bencivenga got good mileage out of this famous headline phrased as a question: “Has This Man Really Discovered the Secret of Inevitable Wealth?” (Kudos to Ben Settle for digging this one up.)

• One of Maxwell Sackheim’s most famous headlines was for a space ad that advertised the Sherwin Cody School of English. The headline said: “Do You Make These Mistakes in English?” (Note: If you have the AWAI Hall of Fame book, you can read the entire ad on page 257.)

• Eugene Schwartz made his mark selling a unique type of rose plant that produced incredibly large quantities of blooms throughout the entire growing season. To sell this plant, he asked a poignant question: “Who Ever Heard of 17,000 Blooms from a Single Plant?”

• And perhaps the most imitated headline on the entire Internet was a question written by John Caples. It was originally to sell a laundry detergent: “Who Else Wants a Whiter Wash–with No Hard Work?”

The bottom line: questions
definitely work as headlines.

So, in light of all this proof, does it make sense to always phrase headlines as questions?

The answer, clearly, is no. I believe questions as headlines are some of the riskiest types of headlines you can write. Many times the question simply won’t be compelling enough to capture your readers’ interest. In most cases, you will be better off with a statement or promise of some kind.

But I also believe the right question used as a headline can have the biggest payoff. My recent experience has proved this to be true.

Recently, I conducted a headline split-test for an upcoming real estate conference. The headline that won by a long shot was a question: “Would You Like 2008 to Be the Year in Which You Build the Foundations for Long-Term Real Estate Wealth?”

(I actually thought this headline variation would lose the split-test. But the actual results proved otherwise.)

Anyway, the whole point of this article is this: Whenever you are brainstorming headlines for blog posts, sales letters, articles, etc., always consider headlines that are phrased as questions.

You may ultimately decide to go with a statement or promise, but occasionally you will happen upon a well-phrased question that outperforms all the other “normal” headlines you can possibly think of.

-Ryan M. Healy

Popularity: 77% [?]

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There has been much speculation about this letter since I announced it last Friday.

One person suggested it might be political; that perhaps it promoted Ron Paul. And while I have promoted Ron Paul in the past, that is not what the letter is about.

Another person suggested it might be religious. This guess was closer to the mark, but the letter is not religious at all. No organized religion believes what I believe. In fact, what I believe is a threat to organized religion and the traditions of men.

The fact is, the letter is about my spiritual journey over the last five years. It is about questioning long-held beliefs and discovering new ones. This is one reason it was difficult for me to write the letter. It is also a reason why I’ve been hesitant to share it with you. (Fact: I’ve been thinking about sharing it with you since last July, but it has taken months of writing and rewriting to deal with some of my own heart issues.)

Nevertheless, I believe the timing is right. So, finally, I’m going to share this letter with you today. If the discussion of spiritual matters disturbs you, then I politely ask you to refrain from clicking the link below. But if you do have an interest, and can tolerate some viewpoints that may be different than your own, then I invite you to click the link below and read the letter…

==> The Greatest Love Story Never Told

Be blessed.

-Ryan M. Healy

P.S. Another comment came in this morning. “Awesome letter dude!  I just sent your URL to a list of friends.  I hope they all read it! Thanks!” –T.M.

Popularity: 48% [?]

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Since January 7, 2008, exactly 561 480 people (see comments for explanation) have already read the letter I referenced in my previous post. It’s generated quite a bit of feedback. Here’s a sample (I’ve used initials of names only since I did not ask permission to publish these comments)…

“I want to thank you for putting together such a phenomenal letter. [...] Would you be okay with me providing the info and link to others to read your letter? I would think yes, but wanted to be respectful of your efforts and would like to receive your permission to do so. Thanks again Ryan for sharing so thoughtfully, carefully and most of all lovingly and truthfully for ALL to read.” –P.F.

“As for the actual writing: I think it reads VERY good and you definitely make a case.” –B.S.

“I just finished your letter. I will try to get a response to you as soon as possible. You put a lot of effort into the letter and you deserve a decent and thoughtful reply. Talk to you later.” –D.R.

“RYAN … what an excellent and concise letter. I will be sending a short note with your link to those on my distribution list. Thanks for sharing this with me.” –B.E.

“Thank you! It’s a great synopsis of what the truth is regarding ___________. I am always looking for something clear and succinct to give to friends and family to introduce them to this wonderful message.” –J.L.

“i read your article and you have done a very good job of conveying what you are trying to teach.” –M.H.

“I am D.B. from Laurel, Mississippi. I saw your article this morning and loved it! I have taken the liberty to take an excerpt from it and put it on the home page of my website.” –D.B.

“Ryan, do you have your article in a printout form? We’re always looking for many different ways to express _________. You did a fine job with your article.” –G.A.

“We have read your letter that _______ had posted on his website. What an awesome job you did sharing your story and clearly explaining ________. Thank you for the time and effort you spent writing [it].” –M.W. and K.W.

“I just posted a link to your letter on the web log. Very good and well written.” –S.J.

Finally, a personal friend and fellow copywriter read the letter and wrote, “A rather inspirational letter from my friend and colleague Ryan M. Healy. It may interest you, it may not…” –J.R.

Update 01/19/2008: The comments keep coming. Here’s one I just got today… “Thank you so much for writing ______, It was such a blessing to me, and I have forwarded it to many and will continue to do so.” –D.B.

If you have already left a comment, I sincerely thank you. I’m reading all your input and weighing it before I make a decision.

-Ryan M. Healy

Popularity: 39% [?]

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On May 17, 2007, I began writing a “sales” letter. I’ve only recently completed it. Let me tell you a few things about this letter…

• It doesn’t sell a product.
• It doesn’t sell a service.
• I wasn’t paid to write the letter.
• I don’t plan to ever earn anything from the letter.
• The letter will not be used for profit of any kind.

Despite all this, I would say that this letter has been the most difficult letter I’ve ever written. It has been emotionally exhausting… and deeply gratifying… at the same time.

Why do share this with you?

Because for a long time I’ve been thinking about sharing the letter with you. But I’ve had my hesitations though. By making this letter available, it could jeopardize my relationships with certain people. It may even compromise my business.

Furthermore, from a business perspective, the only benefit you would receive would be from studying the structure of the letter, the flow of the copy. From an intangible perspective, you may benefit far more than that, although not in a business sense.

Curious?

Should I share this letter with you or not?

I want to hear from you on this one. You tell me. Leave a comment expressing your interest or lack thereof. Thanks.

-Ryan M. Healy

P.S. In case you missed it, I revealed the eight-month letter here.

Popularity: 46% [?]

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Just the other day, my two-year-old son walked up to me and said, “I don’t have a poopie diaper.” I’ve learned that unsolicited feedback like this often means the exact opposite of what my son says. He was actually telling me he did have a poopie diaper… he just didn’t want me to know about it.

Why do I share this with you?

Because adults are not that much different than toddlers. We often say the opposite of what we really mean. And we often do the opposite of what we are told to do.

Example 1: If I say, “Don’t click on this link,” what will you likely want to do? You will want to click the link.

Example 2: If, in a sales letter, you see a bunch of testimonials followed by a disclaimer that says, “I don’t say this to brag, only to prove that I’m qualified to grow your business,” what is the person really saying?

Read between the lines. The person who writes this has already engaged in an internal dialog that looks something like this: “I am bragging, but I’m uncomfortable bragging, so I’ll just say I’m not bragging and hope my readers believe me. At least I’ll sound humble… hopefully.”

Example 3: Let’s say you’re negotiating to purchase something and the salesperson says, “Honestly, this is the best I can do.” What is he really saying? The word “honestly” implies he’s being dishonest. Otherwise, why would he have need of telling you he’s being honest? What the salesperson is really saying is that he will do better if you ask… he just hopes you’ll take his statement at face value.

Example 4: Do you have young children? If you do, you know how difficult it can be to persuade a toddler to do what you want him or her to do. Imagine this. You’re sitting at the dinner table and your child is refusing to eat dinner. What do you do? You say this: “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.” You may need to say this in more than one way, or put some emotion into it, but chances are your kid will start gobbling up dinner like there’s no tomorrow.

Example 5: You’re reading a sales letter for a seminar and you read this: “There are only 110 seats available. Once they are gone, they’re gone. No exceptions.”

The person who says this is trying to establish urgency while showing you every card in his hand. It’s almost as if the person is trying to convince himself that he will stick to his limits. But what he really means to say is, “There are exceptions, but you should register now because I need at least 110 people to be there.”

My point: Language is a sensitive thing. If you take the time to study language patterns, you will become aware of the difference between what people say and what they actually mean. This is helpful not only in discerning the truth of a matter (as in the case of my son’s poopie diaper), but also in crafting your own sales messages.

-Ryan M. Healy

Popularity: 34% [?]

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Last week I got a letter in the mail from Jay Abraham. On the outside of the envelope, the teaser copy reads, “Led Zeppelin Concert Gives Me a Great Idea.”

On the inside, the headline is really the letterhead itself; “Jay L. Abraham” is in large blue type, centered at the top of the page. Underneath that, in normal type, it says, “Reunion, Reunion: Led Zeppelin Concert Gives Me a Great Idea.” And then the letter starts…

At first, I wondered what Jay Abraham (a business consultant) and Led Zeppelin (a rock band) had to do with each other. They seem so unrelated. Curiosity drew me into the letter.

Overall, the letter is deceptively simple. It is only four pages long and asks for no money, only an “expression of interest.” But the concept driving the letter is brilliant.

The letter begins by talking about Jay’s recent experience watching Led Zeppelin perform in London at the band’s 29-year reunion concert. By the fourth paragraph, an astute reader may already begin to see what Jay is doing. By the fifth paragraph, the hook is sunk…

Over 20,000,000 people tried to get tickets to their concert. 19,980,000 failed to do so.

Notice the scarcity build is already happening… but Jay hasn’t even told you why he’s writing yet!

Finally, at the top of the second page, the reader discovers that Jay is planning a reunion style event for past customers and seminar attendees. He’s not even sure if he’s going to do it or not… he merely wants to gauge interest in such an event.

But to build the value, Jay compares (indirectly) the excitement of a Led Zeppelin reunion concert to the excitement a business person might feel at this reunion event. And he compares the scarcity of concert tickets to the scarcity of seats that will be available.

Now, instead of the reader thinking that this business event will be “more of the same,” he’s thinking it will be thrilling, exciting, and unusually memorable–a much better emotional state for a prospect to be in if you want him to express interest in attending.

How well is Jay’s “Reunion, Reunion” letter doing? Honestly, I don’t know. But I would be surprised if it’s not doing well.

This concept of comparison is called simile or metaphor. (In the example above, it’s really an extended metaphor; it extends throughout the letter.)

Similes and metaphors, when used well, can be quite persuasive. Rather than describing a product, it can be much faster and often more effective to compare it to something bigger or better. For instance, when I was writing the sales letter to sell seats in Alex Mandossian’s Virtual Seminar Week, we included this paragraph…

Let me explain: Just as Steve Case changed the Internet with AOL in 1999, and as Pierre Omidyar revolutionized online auctions with eBay in 1995, and as Tom Anderson and Chris DeWolfe created a personal information-sharing phenomenon with MySpace… my partner Rick Raddatz and I have high hopes we can totally transform three of the world’s most important “distance learning” communities.

In this case, we could have said, “Virtual Seminar Week will transform how people learn,” which is pretty flat. But instead, we compared Virtual Seminar Week to other online services that had already transformed the Internet.

Do you see how powerful this is?

In another letter promoting an Apprentice program, I wrote this…

Can my Apprentice Program make that much of a difference? You betcha! It’s literally the difference between walking to your destination… and driving a supercharged sports car. Which would you choose?

I actually got the idea for this metaphor from Steven K. Scott while listening to his audio program “Mentored by a Millionaire.”

One last real-life example. When I was investigating Glyphius over a year ago, I first read the sales page. Then I read the testimonials. One testimonial in particular sold me. It was written by Brian Keith Voiles, and he said (and I’m quoting from memory), “Glyphius is as addictive as a video game.”

By making this comparison, Brian implied that you “play” Glyphius just like you might “play” a video game. Deeper still, Brian implied that the software is fun, and that it takes the work out of writing copy. Of course, he didn’t directly say any of this. It was all embedded in an eight-word simile.

So… how can you use this technique when writing copy for your own products and services? Well, you could attempt an extended metaphor like what Jay Abraham has done in the example above. Or you can start off with a simpler approach. Here’s how it works…

First, define what your product actually is. Is it a software program? A home study course? A seminar or workshop? This should take you two seconds. Then, take your answer and plug it into this formula…

It’s not just a ________, it’s a ________.

In the first blank, enter what your product is. In the second blank, write in the thing you’re comparing your product to. For instance, if I wanted to create a metaphor for my blog, I might say, “It’s not just a blog, it’s a community of savvy business owners and copywriters.” In this case, I would be comparing my blog to a community.

At first, this exercise may be difficult. Your metaphors may have comparisons that are too similar (Example: “It’s not just a blog, it’s a news source”). Or your metaphors may be too cliché. But with some practice, you’ll get the hang of it. Ultimately, your sales copy will be stronger for it

Heck, if it’s good enough for Jay Abraham, it’s good enough for just about anybody.

-Ryan M. Healy

Popularity: 31% [?]

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