Shea Homes owns Highlands Ranch, which is a massive community in the county where I live. Shea also builds most of the new homes in Highlands Ranch.
Apparently, Shea is trying to drum up some home buyers. So they sent me an email with a headline that says:
“Shea Homes Value for an UnLimited Time Only”
Then the body copy says:
Shea Homes Value Can Be Yours Today. As one of the nation’s most respected builders, Shea Homes’ character is built on honesty, integrity, and quality. While many are playing pricing and incentive games, we deliver competitive prices, unbeatable value, and exceptional designs. Hurry, for an UnLimited Time, Shea Homes Value Can Be Yours Today.
Who is the genius who came up with this?
First of all, there is no offer. Nothing specific is being sold at all.
Secondly, the offer (which we’ve already established doesn’t even exist) is for an unlimited time. There is no urgency whatsoever.
So for as long as you want, you can take advantage of an offer that doesn’t exist.
Brilliant.
This is a clear example of how NOT to advertise.
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About Ryan M. Healy
Ryan Healy is a direct response copywriter. Since 2002, he has worked with scores of clients, including BoostCTR, Alex Mandossian, Terry Dean, and Pulte Homes. He writes a popular blog about copywriting, advertising, and business growth, has been featured in publications like Feed Front magazine, and is a regular contributor to WordStream.com, BoostCTR.com, and MarketingForSuccess.com.
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Good writing. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed my Google News Reader..
Matt Hanson
Good writing. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed my Google News Reader..
Matt Hanson
Yeah, that actually sounds like a joke: “Hurry, for an UnLimited Time….”
But it’s probably just lame advertising. :(
Yeah, that actually sounds like a joke: “Hurry, for an UnLimited Time….”
But it’s probably just lame advertising. :(
Hey Ryan,
Great post, great lesson. If I tried doing that with my clients, I’d get pelted by more tomatoes than the front row of a Gallagher show.
And another huge mistake? No USP. Geez, if there was no offer and a lame headline, you figure they would at least try to set themselves apart from the competition. Unfortunately, with these qualities, they are the same as much of the marketing I see out there…
Hey Ryan,
Great post, great lesson. If I tried doing that with my clients, I’d get pelted by more tomatoes than the front row of a Gallagher show.
And another huge mistake? No USP. Geez, if there was no offer and a lame headline, you figure they would at least try to set themselves apart from the competition. Unfortunately, with these qualities, they are the same as much of the marketing I see out there…
someone obviously thought they’d be edgy and different by going “UnLimited.” conversation probably went something like: “all those other guys always go limited, we’ll really get attention by going UnLimited!”
someone obviously thought they’d be edgy and different by going “UnLimited.” conversation probably went something like: “all those other guys always go limited, we’ll really get attention by going UnLimited!”
Lisa – My guess: It was a case of trying to be too clever. And anytime a copywriter tries to be clever, he almost always falls flat on his face.
Kevin – Fortunately, Shea isn’t my client. ;-)
Mark – I agree. Somebody probably thought it would be good to be contrarian. They just went about it the wrong way.
Lisa – My guess: It was a case of trying to be too clever. And anytime a copywriter tries to be clever, he almost always falls flat on his face.
Kevin – Fortunately, Shea isn’t my client. ;-)
Mark – I agree. Somebody probably thought it would be good to be contrarian. They just went about it the wrong way.
Ryan,
This is about being creative, and winning awards for the ad agency. It has nothing to do with sales, or accountability.
Can you imagine somewhere a room full of people are standing around congratulating themselves on this one.
Keith
Ryan,
This is about being creative, and winning awards for the ad agency. It has nothing to do with sales, or accountability.
Can you imagine somewhere a room full of people are standing around congratulating themselves on this one.
Keith
Keith – I totally agree. Probably patting themselves on the back, but oblivious to the results (or lack thereof). By the way, thanks for the link!
Keith – I totally agree. Probably patting themselves on the back, but oblivious to the results (or lack thereof). By the way, thanks for the link!
Gosh! You never know do you? With that kind of copy, we writers will be in business for a long time!
Gosh! You never know do you? With that kind of copy, we writers will be in business for a long time!
Hey Ryan, speaking of no call to action, did you hear about Inc. Magazine’s bust with the “name your own subscription price” deal? To me it sounded great, but word is it failed miserably and had way lower response than the simple $5 subscription offer. Any thoughts on that? Is it stupid to give people that kind of freedom?
Bonnie – No, I didn’t hear about it, but it’s understandable that it didn’t perform as well as expected. Here’s why…
1. “Name your own price” is an offer that sounds too good to be true. Prospects are unlikely to believe it.
2. If the prospect believes the offer, it will then cause him anxiety. It’s similar to walking onto a car lot and not knowing what the “right” price is for the car you want. The lack of certainty is unsettling. “Did I pay too much?” the buyer is likely to wonder.
3. Asking the prospect to name his own price gives him way too much freedom. He will probably be paralyzed by indecision. He won’t know how much to pay. For more information about this, see my post, Improve Sales by Taking Away Their Freedom.
Bonnie – No, I didn’t hear about it, but it’s understandable that it didn’t perform as well as expected. Here’s why…
1. “Name your own price” is an offer that sounds too good to be true. Prospects are unlikely to believe it.
2. If the prospect believes the offer, it will then cause him anxiety. It’s similar to walking onto a car lot and not knowing what the “right” price is for the car you want. The lack of certainty is unsettling. “Did I pay too much?” the buyer is likely to wonder.
3. Asking the prospect to name his own price gives him way too much freedom. He will probably be paralyzed by indecision. He won’t know how much to pay. For more information about this, see my post, Improve Sales by Taking Away Their Freedom.
I think you’re entirely correct on that Ryan. I thought it would do better though because of Radiohead’s “name your own price” ploy. That was pretty successful I think. I thought because of that that Inc. would also do well. This was what the order form said for Inc.:
/x/ YES! Please send me my FREE issue of Inc. to preview. I understand that after I have received my preview copy, you will send me an invoice that I can return with the PAYMENT AMOUNT THAT I DECIDE.
I agree with you that such an open choice probably made people freeze. I also agree that there may not have been enough of a sense of credibility to the offer. Either way, it was a good lesson for me. :)
Anyway, keep up the good work! As a young writer, I really enjoy learning from you.
Hey Ryan, speaking of no call to action, did you hear about Inc. Magazine’s bust with the “name your own subscription price” deal? To me it sounded great, but word is it failed miserably and had way lower response than the simple $5 subscription offer. Any thoughts on that? Is it stupid to give people that kind of freedom?
I think you’re entirely correct on that Ryan. I thought it would do better though because of Radiohead’s “name your own price” ploy. That was pretty successful I think. I thought because of that that Inc. would also do well. This was what the order form said for Inc.:
/x/ YES! Please send me my FREE issue of Inc. to preview. I understand that after I have received my preview copy, you will send me an invoice that I can return with the PAYMENT AMOUNT THAT I DECIDE.
I agree with you that such an open choice probably made people freeze. I also agree that there may not have been enough of a sense of credibility to the offer. Either way, it was a good lesson for me. :)
Anyway, keep up the good work! As a young writer, I really enjoy learning from you.
Bonnie – I’m glad you brought up Radiohead’s recent marketing stunt. I believe it worked for them for a couple reasons.
1. Radiohead already had a fan base eagerly awaiting their new release.
2. Their offer included a critical phrase that is missing from Inc’s offer. They said (and I’m paraphrasing), Pay whatever you want for the album, or pay nothing at all. It’s your choice.
In other words, Radiohead was “legalizing theft.” In most cases, you can’t get MP3s for free. That’s illegal. But Radiohead made it legal. They were letting people do something that is normally “forbidden.”
I believe Inc’s offer would have been more effective if they had added a similar twist at the end of their copy: “…you will send me an invoice that I can return with the payment amount that I decide, even as little as $1.”
I’m glad you like my blog, Bonnie. Thanks for being a reader!
Bonnie – I’m glad you brought up Radiohead’s recent marketing stunt. I believe it worked for them for a couple reasons.
1. Radiohead already had a fan base eagerly awaiting their new release.
2. Their offer included a critical phrase that is missing from Inc’s offer. They said (and I’m paraphrasing), Pay whatever you want for the album, or pay nothing at all. It’s your choice.
In other words, Radiohead was “legalizing theft.” In most cases, you can’t get MP3s for free. That’s illegal. But Radiohead made it legal. They were letting people do something that is normally “forbidden.”
I believe Inc’s offer would have been more effective if they had added a similar twist at the end of their copy: “…you will send me an invoice that I can return with the payment amount that I decide, even as little as $1.”
I’m glad you like my blog, Bonnie. Thanks for being a reader!
Ryan,
I am laughing so hard… :)
It goes to show that the skill we develop as copywriters is in fact a very in-demand profession.
Joseph Ratliff
Ryan,
I am laughing so hard… :)
It goes to show that the skill we develop as copywriters is in fact a very in-demand profession.
Joseph Ratliff
Yep, someone was being a little too clever. No urgency, no offer… In the middle of a housing crisis people are going to wait until the crisis is over before buying. Probably not the result they wanted.
If someone got paid for writing that, then I should be able to make it (if I wanted) as a copywriter too!
Yep, someone was being a little too clever. No urgency, no offer… In the middle of a housing crisis people are going to wait until the crisis is over before buying. Probably not the result they wanted.
If someone got paid for writing that, then I should be able to make it (if I wanted) as a copywriter too!
Joseph – Glad I can provide some laughs while still being instructive. :-)
Steven – I agree. Reading copy like this is encouraging for anybody who wants to succeed as a copywriter.
Joseph – Glad I can provide some laughs while still being instructive. :-)
Steven – I agree. Reading copy like this is encouraging for anybody who wants to succeed as a copywriter.
Hi Ryan,
Great post as always. I’m a little late to the party, but am amazed by what you describe. The writers could ask themselves one question, and throw that crap away.
The worst email subject line I can remember is from John Reese.. I rarely read a lot of the stuff I get from lists anyway, but this guaranteed that I’d never pay attention to anything he might say–even if did turn out worthwhile (and yes, “traffic secrets” has value).
What do people think about this email subject beauty sent by Reese on 10/09/07?
“Help fill my swimming pool with 100 dollar bills…”
It’s one of the few headlines I’ve remembered (good), and hated with a passion (bad). I have yet to read the email or anything from him since.
Curious what everyone thinks!
-Tim
Hi Ryan,
Great post as always. I’m a little late to the party, but am amazed by what you describe. The writers could ask themselves one question, and throw that crap away.
The worst email subject line I can remember is from John Reese.. I rarely read a lot of the stuff I get from lists anyway, but this guaranteed that I’d never pay attention to anything he might say–even if did turn out worthwhile (and yes, “traffic secrets” has value).
What do people think about this email subject beauty sent by Reese on 10/09/07?
“Help fill my swimming pool with 100 dollar bills…”
It’s one of the few headlines I’ve remembered (good), and hated with a passion (bad). I have yet to read the email or anything from him since.
Curious what everyone thinks!
-Tim
Tim – Wow, that’s a pretty bad subject line in my book. Perhaps John was able to turn things around in the body of the email, but the subject line immediately fails the “So what? Who cares?” test right off the bat.
Tim – Wow, that’s a pretty bad subject line in my book. Perhaps John was able to turn things around in the body of the email, but the subject line immediately fails the “So what? Who cares?” test right off the bat.
It feels a little more negative to me than just “so what, who cares?” to me. I mean, why on earth would anyone want to help him fill HIS swimming pool with wads of cash? No-on in their right mind. Now, if it were reversed and it was my (non-existent) swimming pool he was going to help fill, then we might be on to something.
As it is, it appeared as someone who is totally disconnected from his audience, and full of himself. Even if he does make a course correction in the email itself, it ranks as one of my all time worst subject lines I’ve ever seen– hell, even spammers know enough to hit the audience hot buttons, and not their own egos!
It feels a little more negative to me than just “so what, who cares?” to me. I mean, why on earth would anyone want to help him fill HIS swimming pool with wads of cash? No-on in their right mind. Now, if it were reversed and it was my (non-existent) swimming pool he was going to help fill, then we might be on to something.
As it is, it appeared as someone who is totally disconnected from his audience, and full of himself. Even if he does make a course correction in the email itself, it ranks as one of my all time worst subject lines I’ve ever seen– hell, even spammers know enough to hit the audience hot buttons, and not their own egos!
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