Time Vampire Tells Me I Have a “Very Nasty F*ckin Attitude”

As my friend Ben Settle says, “I love the smell of hate mail in the morning.”

And guess what? I got a real doozy right at 10 a.m.

Here’s how it went down…

Guy contacts me to write a classified ad for him.

I ask him what for.

He tells me he’s an independent distributor for a vitamin company. Wants to know how much I charge. I tell him $30 for small 3-line ad, but that I’m not keen on writing copy for reps in MLM companies.

I then ask him to provide details about what he needs. How many classified ads, number of lines, character counts per line, which product to promote, and how to respond (phone # or URL).

He replies back:


Ummmm… not helpful.

During this time, he calls me 3-4 times in a row. A couple hours later does the same thing. I finally call him back. He gives me a link to the site and wants me to “check everything out.”

My patience is already wearing thin.

He hasn’t provided the information I need.

And he’s calling me incessantly.

I get another email this morning.

“Did you look everything over”

At the same time, he calls me four times in a row.

So I reply back:

I looked at the home page of the website, that’s it.

Here’s the deal:

I still need the details of exactly what you want. Until you provide this information, I cannot help you.

For example, you need to tell me something like:

I want 1 classified ad – 3 lines – 50 characters per line including spaces

Ad will promote ________________.

Desired call to action: Call _______ to get __________.

Or: Go to www.______.com to ___________.

“Promote vitamins” doesn’t tell me anything.

Which specific product do you want to promote?

If you can answer my questions in writing, then I will send you an invoice. You can pay the invoice by check. I will not write anything until I receive your check.

Once I receive your check, I’ll write the classified ads.

Please do not call my phone 3 or 4 times in a row.

Minutes later, he replies:

“You know what thats OK because you have a very nasty fuckin attitude good luck”

I’m not sure why this guy got so upset. I can’t (and won’t) spend hours on the phone with somebody to write a $30 classified ad.

And I’m certainly not looking for phone pals — I’m looking for qualified clients who understand how business gets done.

Anyway, yet another case where I should have listened to my gut and just told the guy “no” from the start.

But even though my first response didn’t get rid of him, the second one definitely did.

One more time vampire down… hundreds more to go.

-Ryan M. Healy

Ryan M. Healy

Ryan Healy is a financial copywriter and the author of Speed Writing for Nonfiction Writers. Since 2002, he has worked with scores of clients, including Agora Financial, Lombardi Publishing, and Contrarian Profits. He writes a popular blog about copywriting, advertising, and business growth, has been featured in publications like Feed Front magazine, and has been published on sites like WordStream.com, SmallBizClub.com, and MarketingForSuccess.com.